"I Swear to Fucking God, If I Come Home This Christmas and Find Out My Parents are Still Unplugging Their Computer From the Wall When They Want to Turn It Off, I Will Fucking Snap" by Jason M. Mustian in McSweeney's

 "But Jason,” Dad will say, “it’s confusing that I have to click START in order to shut something down." Read piece here ... and Merry @#$@# Xmas, y'all!